I somethimes what to scream….
Give me a break….
Sometimes I want to sit in my self pity of shitty life. We all have our tests in life. Sometimes though it feels like you have been called into the Batting cage of Life, they line up the automated ball shooter & they let them rip, blow after blow after blow.
One ball of life, followed by a ball of health.. a ball of motherhood followed by a ball of house maintenance.. a ball of finance trouble followed by a ball of employee dramas..
No time to argue, complain or disagree..
Once you have swung and swung and swung, wanting to give and surrender to all, you realise that everyone has their own onslaught. We all just deal with it differently and our tolerences are different levels. Not right or wrong, just different.
In the doom cloud that then sits covering LIFE we see little tiny silver linings or golden glows that reminds us to be thankful & grateful for LIFE!
So through what seems like endless ill health of the kids I am grateful they are not sick long term.
So through the financial struggles we have faced I am grateful that after 6 endless months the bank has finally taken on some of our huge credit card debit into our house loan.
So through the juggles of my emotions I am grateful that this week I have learnt about surrender and I feel once more back at ease instead of fighting it.
Life is challenging, yet I was once told we are never given more than we can deal with.
I have forgotten to breath lately and found myself holding my breath from one event to the next.. I was feeling like Mario on the tv games, running and jumping aimlessly, hoping like hell I would cling on as I lept to the next life ledge. I have worked out though – Shallow breath jumping doesnt get you far.
I have been heading out side, cloud looking and after 10, 15, maybe 20 large deep breaths my body feels charged and alive again to move on..
So although the sludge pit of self wallow sounded soooo good for a while, life is your reflection. What you put out you get back..
Time to call in the witch doctor to clear out the shit, cleanse the aura, the house, my soul? I dont even know where to start to make that happen so instead I will be grateful I am aware of our Rollercoaster Life & I will reach down and start pulling up this wreckless train..
Next time they call Batter up in the batting nets, I am going to push pause on the machine, change the speed to slow the f*ck down, take a big breath knowing however daunting it feels at the time, I will make it to the other side & I will be just fine!