We have just started stage 2 of renovations of our house – which THANK GOD for medication – as I am SURE it helped me survive the complete move of our house yesterday !!! So this morning – there was no loud television on or morning mayhem. I was up before my family and got to sit quietly on our deck enjoying nature. BLISS..
I still feel my chest getting tight but my body is not running with the feelings. When I get this feeling & I realise it I stop and check in with me. I take note of my breathing and notice what I have been doing to make me feel like this.
Only now am I starting to realise how I have my body constantly switched on and on ALERT at all times!! I breath shallow & I am ready to run in the blink of an eye. I react to anything that happens around me. I thought I was far more relaxed than this…. I am noticing thing that I react to and what I my mind thinks about things. In my mind today I am hearing an over concerned, neurotic, highly reactive person who in some cases is driving me insane and needs to chill out……Thankfully the reaction is not there or if it is it not on RED alert but just a flicker on the radar.
Today I am more calm with the kids. I am more patient & tolerant than I have been in a long while. Today with the kids I realised how much they want me & ask things of me. In the wrong frame of mind this can be very hard to deal with. Today I have been working with the kids to understand how they speak to me and what they ask of me. I think this is going to be good for all of us in all kinds of ways.
I even swam in the pool with the kids today – some thing I have not done since forever… The giggles, the laughs, the fun, the games, the fresh air, the sunshine…I loved it but the kids loved it MORE !!