After surviving day 1 I woke up day 2 knowing that this was the right choice that I had made. I really needed to ease up on my body to be able to get through this.
6 months ago I really would of never thought that it was possible to have such feelings or symptoms that I experience but after today, wow how it stops life.
This morning was school & kindy as normal & after having my husband & one of our workers on the road 8 hrs of the night as well as working, I spent time awake thinking of their safe instead of sleeping so we were on go slow. I have been learning to slow down. Not push myself and to take things moment by moment. So I was later to work than normal but not concerned especially being the owner… He he he
My work today was no more or less busy than any other day but I was mindful of my body & my new medication onboard. By noon I was feeling very unsettled. At 1 pm I had to leave.
With a racing heart, thumping chest & the sweats happening I drove carefully away from work. I was mindful of my breathing & actions. By the time I hit our suburb I went straight to the medical centre. Tingley arms & thinking THIS time it really was a heart attack.
I saw a dr straight away… Perfect timing – lunch time. The place was empty….my panic had everyones attention & they sprang into action.
Blood pressure – normal
Pulse – normal
They even did an ECG – mmmm normal
What I was experiencing today is normally a middle of the night thing. Where in the still of night these feelings seem huge!! But today in the middle of the day OVER the hum of daily life…. This had stepped up to a whole new level.
With this kind of medication like I said yesterday it makes your anxiety worse before it eases up on you. It could not get any worse than today. After calming down & regrouping with the medical staff I sat quietly before getting the kids. On with the strong facade as honestly it is easier to write about all this shit and for some one to choose to read it than to tell the story to someone. As everyday there is a story at the moment!
I have had to be very strong in my life growing up & know that I only had me to rely on at times. But I have never faced anything like this in my life. I do now know & get how it must turn dark for people & for them to feel like there is no way out. Or how they give up on them selves.
I am living the moments knowing that it all will turn soon. I cant wait for the feeling of thinking WOW how good did I feel today & WOW I didnt realise I left anxiety in the garden somewhere. Tonight I am tired & know that tomorrow I will be kind to me. My body needs time to rest heal & adapt to its new success key to good health, I’ll only do half day of work instead & a check in with me.