Over the last few months and my posts on ANXIETY & my inner work I have been doing to “deal” with this, I have looked back and now that I have spoken up about ANXIETY & what I was going through & still working on, there was 1 very hard bridge that I couldnt cross. 1 sentence that I had troubles finding the air to utter. This was that I was NOT OK !!
I found that life was far easier to shut down from. To turn the computer off and to stop contact for a while, while I got over this…… I didnt realise that the moment I decided to talk about things and to let other people know what I was going through that the dark cloud would start to ease and even some what start to float away.
What was it with not telling people about my Mental State of Mind….. oh yeah I remember – they might think I was some what crazy, insane, out there, something that people might catch & yet being loud and being out there with personality was NOT some what crazy at times??? People might judge me?? mmmm who were these perfect people with clear understandings of life and the games it played??? Did they actually matter??
What mattered most was ME.. I decided to put my condition, my mental state out there. To very close acquaintances, school parents, co workers, complete strangers and family who werent quite in the loop…. I must say that the moment I did this the balance returned. I could stop pretending to be rosy & live it, speak it & do it as it was – Each day at a time and those around me helped & supported me in many ways.
For those of you reading these posts & yet still believing you are OK !! but knowing with your logical mind that you arent…Calling out may seem hard but the rewards are HUGE.. There is nothing worse that the built up feeling that comes with anxiety – wondering when you will allow it to take a grip around your neck & squash the air out of our chest … Find the courage to speak out as there are plenty who will prick up their ears and loan them your way.