What is my anxiety??
Everyones story of these things is so different to the next. For each of us we all show anxiety in completely different ways & forms. As I wrote for me it is TOTALLY about my health.
For some reason I do the following and in a very catastrophic way….
If I have a headache – it could be a brain tumour to worry about
If I have troubles breathing – it could be my lungs to worry about
If my heart is racing – it could be a heart attack to worry about
Several weeks ago Meningococcal was big in the news here in Cairns & in Townsville. All 4 of us were sick with oncoming coldy/fluy things…. but that night I had us all lifting our shirts to show me that there was no rash forming. This kills!! What if we had it !!! OH NO !! This is me catastrophizing!! (this is what I couldnt stop)
Dear Husband kicked the rational part of my mind back in gear.
“If there are 4 of us in the house with meningococcal then QUICK call the Cairns Post as we will make the front page !!”
Dont take this the wrong way as he has been worried sick (ha ha ha) about me & it has lifted him to another level which has not been about Manland for once. But this response made me hear how OUT THERE my comments had become & yet I couldnt stop obsessing about it.
Today is Day 7 for me doing it on my own. I must say I keep wondering if one of my breaths each day is going to be hard and struggle like there were some time in the start of the last 3 months – that part scares me but I do know the travel from here on in will need to be planned well each & every breath of the way each and every day if I am going to get there.
This last week I have not had lumps, bumps, rashes, coughs or anything till this morning.
We all have choice – this morning after dinner with friends last night I had cramps, pains & couldnt keep off the toilet… Normally this would be enough for me to be starting to wind up the FREAK OUT !! I put in my rational NOW mind. Rich creamy potato bake may have been yummy but it may of been way too rich for me.
- A cup of black tea
- A slice of dry toast
- A HUGE breath with a 15 minute gaze at the beauty of our backyard, knowing that I was fine and that this will pass. To accept this and go with it then allowed me to check in with me.
I decided to then write this post so those of you who “Get It” will get it. We are all humans but for each of us the experience is the same and yet different.