anxiety – ha ha ha ha !!!
I am WAY too busy to worry about that !!
I have NO TIME to slow down & think of ME !!
Infact I had never given any of this much thought….. I was going to learn all about a whole new bunch of so called BAD WORDS that were moving in to be friend me with out me even knowing & whether I liked it or not.
- mental health
- beta blockers
- anti depressant
Over the last few months I have been suffering extreme anxiety in resulting in panic attacks.
These panic attacks have been from concerns over my health.
I cant tell you for sure but having had my mum die when I was 11 when she was at the young age of 42 – that scares the shit out of me. Being 37 I want to grow old with our kids, I want to watch our kids grow, I want to have a long marriage & I want my family to be together for years & years & years.
With anxiety anyone who has ever suffered this will completely understand when I say it absolutely absorbs you, you cant control it, you cant stop it & most of all you cant just “snap out of it”.
The older I have got the more I tend to worry. From the age of 14 my family moved to Cairns from Melbourne and so I was a seasoned single traveller by 18 up & down the coast with out a care in the world. Infact nothing much bothered me.
As I have grown so has my anxiety & worry. The “what ifs” seemed to be more common and have ended up on every corner in every day. As with any condition I am not sure of what the combination was that turned this UP in me. Making me feel like I would never survive or get out of this prison it had me in. It was LOUD terrifyingly LOUD !!
The thing with something like anxiety is that it is not seen…..
If I sprained my ankle it would bruise & be swollen
If I had an eye infection it would be red & weeping
If I cut my self it would be bleeding everywhere
With the right treatment & medication things are then heeled & over in a set time span…..
Anxiety is different & treatment for every one is also different. Life experiences, stress, work, hormone imbalancement so many things can cause this to occur & it starts also at no apparent reason.
For me I think it was layer upon layer until one day completely stretched beyond stretching point I truly had no more to give and this time didnt bounce back.
I needed to pull back the 100 tiny pieces of me back
I needed to
RE – MEMBER me
piece by piece
bit by bit – extremely slowly I was going to get the pieces back in line. The problem there was also that it was not necessarily at the pace I wanted me “fixed”. Truth be known it needed to be life changing & not just a quick fix so the change had to begin.