Full of BAD WORDS

anxiety – ha ha ha ha !!!

I am WAY too busy to worry about that !!
I have NO TIME to slow down & think of ME !!

Infact I had never given any of this much thought….. I was going to learn all about a whole new bunch of so called BAD WORDS that were moving in to be friend me with out me even knowing & whether I liked it or not.

  • anxiety
  • depression
  • mental health
  • therapy
  • psychologist
  • beta blockers
  • anti depressant
  • meditation

Over the last few months I have been suffering extreme anxiety in resulting in panic attacks.
These panic attacks have been from concerns over my health.

I cant tell you for sure but having had my mum die when I was 11 when she was at the young age of 42 – that scares the shit out of me. Being 37 I want to grow old with our kids, I want to watch our kids grow, I want to have a long marriage & I want my family to be together for years & years & years.

With anxiety anyone who has ever suffered this will completely understand when I say it absolutely absorbs you, you cant control it, you cant stop it & most of all you cant just “snap out of it”.

The older I have got the more I tend to worry. From the age of 14 my family moved to Cairns from Melbourne and so I was a seasoned single traveller by 18 up & down the coast with out a care in the world. Infact nothing much bothered me.

As I have grown so has my anxiety & worry. The “what ifs” seemed to be more common and have ended up on every corner in every day. As with any condition I am not sure of what the combination was that turned this UP in me. Making me feel like I would never survive or get out of this prison it had me in. It was LOUD terrifyingly LOUD !!

The thing with something like anxiety is that it is not seen…..
If I sprained my ankle it would bruise & be swollen
If I had an eye infection it would be red & weeping
If I cut my self it would be bleeding everywhere
With the right treatment & medication things are then heeled & over in a set time span…..

Anxiety is different & treatment for every one is also different. Life experiences, stress, work, hormone imbalancement so many things can cause this to occur & it starts also at no apparent reason.

For me I think it was layer upon layer until one day completely stretched beyond stretching point I truly had no more to give and this time didnt bounce back.

I needed to pull back the 100 tiny pieces of me back

I needed to

RE     –      MEMBER   me

piece by piece

bit by bit – extremely slowly I was going to get the pieces back in line. The problem there was also that it was not necessarily at the pace I wanted me “fixed”. Truth be known it needed to be life changing & not just a quick fix so the change had to begin.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Full of BAD WORDS

  1. Thanks for sharing your experiences with anxiety Chelle. It can be frightening, extremely terrifying and all encompassing. Like other mental illness, the off the cuff remarks of ‘snap out of it’ have no effect. If it was just that easy don’t you think you’d do it at the click of a finger?

    there has to be the stop, the limit and the rebuild, piece by piece. The beauty of us is that we aren’t a 4 piece puzzle, but rather a much more dynamic richer 3D contraption that needs to be ‘sorted’ even before the piecing together happens.

    xxxxxx huge hugs and kisses (in a non-freaky way) darling lady. xxx I really mean it. xxxx

  2. Wow – thank you for sharing your feelings. I have always been a “worry wort” or “stress puppy” but over recent years, I think since having my first child 6 years ago and then 2nd 4.5 years ago, I have got worse; a lot worse. I don’t go A.B, C,D but go A,B, Z – daughter gets Scartlet fever a couple of weeks ago – she is going to die, son (ashmatic) gets a cough – he’s going to die too, or at least end up in hospital with pneumonia, I have a swollen foot – I have a blood clot, I have a mark on my face – melanoma, something minor happens and the world is coming to an end I and COMPLETELY freak out, lose my temper uncontrolably with my hubby, lose all rational thinking and give myself a panic attack! I thought I was alone but realise I am not – I knew I had issues I have been dealing with for years from my past but never realised I had anxiety until v v recently; your post has really helped me realise I am not alone – thank you.x

    • Shelley you have also opened my eyes to knowing I am not alone. I get my self so worked up on the what ifs…. And I send Dooms Clouds out on everything. I didnt think I was like this till it took over my world. Remember to breath and know what is real right now in the moment. Xo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s