Stress & Anxiety – 1 ~ ME – 0

Almost 4 weeks down the track and this “return” post has been written several times and is a lot looooonger in time than I EVER thought….

I have been riding the waves of the ocean that come with the good & bad of getting through the Stress & Anxiety that life has dished me out.

What is Stress & Anxiety??

I am no medical expert by any means although I can confirm to you I have met MANY over these last few weeks….but this is my version.

For each of us the triggers are different. Some people have a high barriers & for others it is quite low. But the common point for each and all is that Anxiety caused by Stress is REAL & seems at the time to be unstoppable.

So this supermum has taken off her lycra costume and cape, let her leg hairs grow, been too hyped up some nights to even remember to brush my teeth. I have started back on step 1.

I have felt like I slipped to the terrifying bottom of the sludge pit and honesty didnt have the faith in even myself to think I would ever get out.

As with every post I have done this post is for ME.  So I have turned these details into several posts so that I am clear on my own path forward, so there is more to come. Just hang in there with me and I will reveal my details bit by bit. Slowly I will return. All your support has been amazing and for this I am also extrememly thank ful.

What made the edge slip from my feet….. Nothing….just silly stuff….dont worry about me …..
How many of us say these things? Infact it is layer upon layer, running in fight & flight mode till one day the elastic snaps!!!!!

OH SHIT – MELTDOWN!!!

For me it was a combination of the following

> School holidays with fighting children
> Rainy weather to not go out side
> Roof renovations with wind and rain on our back area so that was also not able to be used
> Cracked gyprock from builders in non renovated area!!! Arghhhhh
> Rain leaking through the roof in non repaired areas like toilet and bathroom
> Financial year change in the middle of school holidays – who ever planned THAT was not a business owning parent!!!!
> My own facebook and blog pressures I created on myself
> Slow paying clients at work meaning lack of funds and no wages for us personally for 4 weeks.

mmmm I am sure there are more – even when writing the list now it doesnt seem like much but all this together!!!!

Overload!!

My life never ever stops & the panic cycle got me and took hold HARD !!

I often have people ask me how I do or cope with it all. I just do!! Running 5 businesses, 2 of these with other business partners, 12 bank accounts, 2 kids, 1 husband who needs settling from time to time & life…. Thats most of my whole bunch of nothing…. as well as dancing & futsal and dear husband often away….mmmm
Well guess what – this time I didnt cope!!

What this did to me

Your body has this great way of telling you to slow down & smell the roses way before the flowers bloom.

A week after our end of term concert – after a week of rehearsals & late nights. 5 dancers, 8 rehearsals & 4 shows with our family team support person away…heres what happened:
> a swollen calf muscle with pain
> suspected blood clot in leg
> blood thinning injections
> ultrasound
> xray
> anti inflammatories
> chest & back pain
> tightening in the chest to breathe

This escalated to the point one night where I called the home dr & on his examination an ambulance was called & a visit to the emergency department was arranged to check for clots and a heart attack.
> ECG
> Blood pressure
> Pulse rates

Freak out time !!! AARRGGHH!!!!!

Medically everything was right. I was at the point that everything was becoming too hard. My body was physically stopping me.

I am one of those people who just keeps going. If I am told to rest. I would tell you I am and I would convert my bed to the office. I would not stop and REST…..I would lay in bed and do the work as I have too much to do…. But guess what…. I had to stop!!!

How to prevent stress & anxiety

Remember all of this is my version on what to do. Each of us are different and deal in varied ways.

> Remember to stop and breath… STOP COMPLETELY… Close your eyes and take full breaths that fill your soul. I was constantly taking short shallow breaths.
> Know your limits. I never use to accept help. I do now. As well I would never say NO. I am learning how..
> Make time for you..all YOU… every single day. Even if it is just 5 minutes that is your gift to you. You will be thankful.

Here are 2 quotes for you
Rome wasnt built in a day….
No man is an army….

Stress, Anxiety or even Depression can sneak up and bite even the best of us on the arse & trust me while doing this it will knock your feet clean out from under you til you are sitting on the ground wondering what the hell happened!!
Anxiety for me was not like a wound that was bleeding.. As no body could see what it was doing to me and yet for me I was completely terrifying myself. With the right support around you and knowing to trust YOURSELF slowly you will look around and assess where it has landed you. You will pick your self up and you will find the right places to get help and guidance. Feel free to share this post with others as it can be a hard battle to fight but I am standing on the edge of the world starting again and this time I know I will be alright.

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10 thoughts on “Stress & Anxiety – 1 ~ ME – 0

    • Fiona – thanks for your words – yes the writing process helps but you wonder if you should write on paper and then rip up and toss or press publish….
      MMMMMm publish it was as I am sure there are others worse than me who would love to know there are people who get it !!
      I am trying very hard to be kind to my self and putting me the top of the list .. Little strange but is working.
      Chelle

  1. Chelle, I am in your corner!
    Many blessings sent your way for the journey you are currently on! May you find the strength each day to tackle one more step forward.
    Hugs,
    Bonnie

    • Thanks heaps Bonnie – I loved your post on Manland also …
      It is great to have support from all areas to help you get on the move forward..
      Chelle

  2. Oh hun i have been much the same no where near the extent you have describe but my own hell of stress and anxiety
    Big hugs to you gorgeous just remember you are not alone and you will get through this
    xxx

    • Thanks very much Tara. Some times you think you are the only one like this and how strange you have become…. Yet there are many on this road.. So se retly and some far worse…xo

  3. Two years ago I was preparing to marry husband number 3 at 32 years of age. By the time he finally convinced me that marriage and I are not necessarily an horrific mistake, we had three children and had been together for nearly 7 years. During preparations I became very ill. I was lethargic, in pain, vomiting, headaches, trembles, etc…etc….I had multiple blood tests, ultrasounds and other tests which came back with an iron deficiency and possible coeliac disease. Both were sorted out but the dizzy spells didn’t go away. On my wedding day I had to take a valium (prescribed for me very short term but only taken twice as I reacted badly to it) to get through the ceremony and then again became ill. My wedding night was spent in A&E getting more tests done. The results? A ruptured ovarian cyst. What followed was the worst 5 months of my life. I developed panic disorder, even being rushed to the hospital with hyperventilation via ambulance, and from there I developed agoraphobia. As a social being who has always ‘coped’ just fine (or so I thought) with all life throws at you I was powerless for the first time in my life and it was terrifying!

    With plenty of help from my family, help from my friends (although I lost a few along the way as it made people uncomfortable to be around me) and months of psychological help, I started to recover.

    Here I sit, two years later, still suffering the odd panic attack, according to the doctor I always will, but the bulk of the time I’m just fine. I still see the psychologist regularly too as it keeps me on track. I have stopped worrying so much about things, delegate a hell of a lot more and am much kinder on myself. It’s a long road……but it’s worth it. I think I may even prefer the new me. I’m certainly more thankful for my beautiful family than I was before.

    • Wow Leigh what an amazing story.. There are truely no other word than terrified…. When it comes to these attacks. When you from all to nothing you really wonder where you went wrong and fell off the rails. How normal becomes so alien.. How all you want is to feel “normal” again.
      Thanks for your words. Sometime you feel so out there and left of centre and how could I not cope… But there is a whole bunch that gets squashed in my days…or should I say there WAS…. Life has a different routine now and an easier gear in which I am not so hard on myself snd way kinder to ME.
      You have my thoughts as the road is long…but I am smiling again just a little more relaxed.
      Xo

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